Holding Hands

“So what happened?” 

“Nothing. We just held hands. ”

“Really? Nothing more? Tell me everything!” 
“How do I describe holding hands? It was the most intimate thing. No, I am not being coy. At first, it’s more shy. Just the softest touch on the fingers and then slowly glide towards the palm, holding them. Firm. Rugged palms exploring the soft lines of the other. You just don’t hold hands. You give them a part of you. Sign of trust and support. Like a kid trusting his mother to hold him if he fails to walk.
Those rugged hands tell a story of hardships and strength. Those small circling touches on the palm smooth your anxiety. Those holding hands promise security. Those enclosed hands proudly declare two souls conjoined. But above all, those warm hands somehow manage to melt the walls that you built over years. ”
Just another small snippet 

– Hema Sanghavi

Things That I Wish My Heart To Understand. 

Dear Heart,

Don’t jump on seeing another soul. I know it resembles a lot like you but hold your stomping beats and let the brain focus for once. 

I know it’s been years since you yearned and jumped in joy or blushed at the thought of the other but harness your desire. 

I don’t want you to proclaim any affection for once. Brain very well knows the pain you grow through when you are injured. 

The nights are tough and the logic seems to sleep but I want you to remember one line that brain keeps on repeating. ‘Action speaks louder than words’ 

The annihilation won’t be long if you succumb so easily. Be a wolf. Don’t give in easily. Let the other show you first. Reign your swooning because it won’t be long before you declare the other as your procession. 

Oh heart, it’s simply foolish to let yourself wander in this world. Patience, dear. 

– Hema Sanghavi 

What Loneliness feels like..

There are days like –

You are on your phone going through the contact list, many names, so many people. You know you can hang out with them, have fun but you can’t call them up to share. As you move down the list, you can’t shake this anxious feeling that you are alone, may be you don’t have anyone. 

You keep the phone aside to shake off the feeling, try watching TV series on binge to just pass the time. After some episodes, your brain doesn’t register it as an entertainment. You go back and rewind the time when you had a real honest conversation with somebody. That anxious feeling comes back. 

You start feeling insecure. You start reminding your flaws as a reason why you are not a nice person to be with. You consider those flaws as a reason why nobody would find you interesting.

Cue in the songs which really connect with your feelings and showers with the memories that haunt you.

All you feel right now is to run away, just anything to get that feeling away. You don’t like it. You try to distract it away but no matter what you do, in the corner of your brain; you still feel the disconnect with the task you are doing.

If you are at work and if someone criticizes your work, you take it to your heart and add on the list why you feel undeserving.

You want to give it your best but somehow you fear that it’s not good enough and replay all the remark you were given to prove your thoughts.

You want to go somewhere out, so far that there will be just you and the nature but can’t seem to move out of your house. You always have task on your hand.

At night, you feel this longing, to be wanted to be heard, to have this one person who would be interested in knowing how your day was or just hug you till you feel normal. You want to desperately talk to someone and share this gut wrenching feeling but can’t.

You crave the touch of someone who would care, support but all you have right now is You and end up crying your heart out.

You are a strong person, you don’t want to burden your problems to anyone, so you put on your brave face and act like everything is fine while you are struggling with storms, thunder, hurricanes inside.

This feeling starts growing as days pass by and you accept it as a part of your life. 

But please listen dear, this isn’t you. Fight that feeling each day. No matter how strong it grows, fight it. Don’t let it have a say in it. Go for walks, jog. Play with kids or go to shelter house. Give. Talk. Even if you think you have no one, write it down and then conquer this feeling. Say no to it. You have yourself. This is your battle and you can do it.

If you need someone to just listen, comment or msg away. You are not alone in this.

Smile truly. 

Love,

Hema Sanghavi

The battle of luck and fortune : Happy St. Patrick’s day!

MA, I didn’t win today, I just lost because I was one second behind, just one second ma!
May be, I don’t have luck with me”, Sid said sobbingly.

He had practiced hard, he didn’t miss a day when it came to this competition. He and his mother knew how much he wanted to win.

Watching his child cry broke his mother. She was so proud of him that he gave his best. But she didn’t want him to talk about luck.

“You came second my baby, that’s great too.  I am so proud of you. You tried so hard for it. Next time, try a bit more harder son”

“But, I wanted to win this time! Why can’t God give me luck just for today? ”

” Why today son? ”

” Ma, I wanted to buy you a gift from the money I would have gotten being first. Your birthday is coming ” Sid said crying loudly.

He was so upset with himself. He knew his mother needed that, but she was saving it for him. He just wanted to see his mother happy. Why couldn’t he win??…

Tears welled up in his mother’s eyes and Sid couldn’t see her crying.

“I am sorry ma, I really am. ”

” My life, you don’t need to be sorry about anything. The fact that you wanted to come first for me, is more than the gift son.  I love you and you don’t have to worry about money.  Enjoy these competitions.  They are meant for you my baby. ”

” But…. ”
” Ssshh.. No buts Sid. I know we aren’t rich and I can’t give you many things you should have gotten. But you don’t have to worry about it.  Your ma is here.

You make your own luck son. Maybe the child who won first might have practiced more than you. 

Don’t ever fall for luck son. Have you seen uncle who buys lottery tickets daily? He believes someday he might get very rich. He is purchasing it since he started earning.  I have never seen him win. But the money from which he buys, goes daily.  He could have saved those and could have been to the doctor.

Don’t think so much. Just give it your best and even if you fail.. Don’t give up.  May be the next time you will win””

“Okay ma. I love you. ”

-Hema Sanghavi

Written by Hema Sanghavi.

What do you do?!

What do you do when you have so much to say but have to restrict yourself!

When you want to believe in those words but see that there’s no action behind it,

When you want to know everything about the person but the person would talk about everything else but them,

When you have someone but feel so lonely, when you crave that love and intimacy but all you get is everything else but that,

When you want to believe in love that lasts but have to face the reality,

When you want answers you desperately need but all you get is puzzle,

What do you do then?! Just wait or accept the reality?!
-Hema Sanghavi

Written by Hema Sanghavi.

Ranting on love

The romantics wrote about their overwhelming emotions,

The Victorian submerged those,

Modernism wondered what our life is all about,

While the post Modernism is all about what society think I need,

We all are showing how happy we all are and how perfect our life is,

We show than feel,
We hide than be transparent,
We are more cynical than we ought to,

More insecure about ourselves and project it out too,
We are in a age where we are doubting everything and everyone,

Instant gratification, consumerism, capitalism is all about instant profit,
We are more about what happens to us,  more individualistic,

Tell me,
How love can survive in this?
While the infinite books talk about how their love is more important than anything else,

We try to rationalize and be more practical,
Love was never meant to be practical,
It is an emotion which is so strong that it brings strength, peace, hope, and everything else.

We all crave that kind of love, that kind of belonging – Ness,  a part to be with someone who fills us, and consumes the Devils,

Yet why are we so afraid of it?

#Ranting on love

-Hema Sanghavi

Written by Hema Sanghavi.

Inside my heart

Wanting and needing,
Lights eluding,
Hallucinating the love,
Delusional like romantics,
Dreams whispering about my demons,
Balancing is all an act,
Darkness blooming like a violet sky,
Lost and confused,
No grasp on reality,
Moving in circles,
Nothing to be found,
Nobody there,
Tears blinding the view,
The tragedy of life,
Alone and lost.
– Hema Sanghavi

Written by Hema Sanghavi.