Things That I Wish My Heart To Understand. 

Dear Heart,

Don’t jump on seeing another soul. I know it resembles a lot like you but hold your stomping beats and let the brain focus for once. 

I know it’s been years since you yearned and jumped in joy or blushed at the thought of the other but harness your desire. 

I don’t want you to proclaim any affection for once. Brain very well knows the pain you grow through when you are injured. 

The nights are tough and the logic seems to sleep but I want you to remember one line that brain keeps on repeating. ‘Action speaks louder than words’ 

The annihilation won’t be long if you succumb so easily. Be a wolf. Don’t give in easily. Let the other show you first. Reign your swooning because it won’t be long before you declare the other as your procession. 

Oh heart, it’s simply foolish to let yourself wander in this world. Patience, dear. 

– Hema Sanghavi 

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Day 5, January

Everything is messy. Nothing works. Nothing clicks. Just an awful start. 

It’s funny how we all talked about self love and encourage it but at the end of the day, it’s the people you have interacted with makes an impact.

Even if you don’t know the person, they will still have an impact on how your day passes. But in the same way, you will create the impact on someone’s else’s life.

So, be kind. World has a little less of it already.

Day 4, January

Tricky thing is this, addictive even. I don’t want to get over it. The more I try to see, the more it speaks, enthralls me into this path of just being there. No judgement and just acceptance.

Its quite interesting to observe and see people react, believe and trust. While observation is intoxicating, what shall I see when the tables are turned?

Would the perception of myself shatter or would it be revolutionising?

We are so quick to notice, bond and judge people but dislike when it’s we are put to the same process.

We each have a good/bad side, what we choose to be is based on our interactions. Don’t assume the person you dislike, is really not a good person 

Day 3 January

There are instances where you make silly mistakes and be embarrassed about it.

May be it’s about those small instances which makes you more better, wiser.

It’s been three days already since the new year has begun and it hasn’t changed drastically. Still sleeping late, not exercising and eating junk food as always. Yet it still brings hope in me, to be better than I was before, to challenge myself.

It’s this moment which calms my beating, nervous heart *insert a gif of Shifu’s (Kung fu panda) inner peace *
Something tells me that it’s going to be okay!

Day 2 – January

It’s okay if you don’t like your work at times and feel not satisfied. It’s okay if you strive for perfection and take a whole day for it. 

Make it count. 

You will meet different people and not everyone will like you. I think at the end of the day, its better to feel you have done something you are proud of rather than comprising on what you feel

What Loneliness feels like..

There are days like –

You are on your phone going through the contact list, many names, so many people. You know you can hang out with them, have fun but you can’t call them up to share. As you move down the list, you can’t shake this anxious feeling that you are alone, may be you don’t have anyone. 

You keep the phone aside to shake off the feeling, try watching TV series on binge to just pass the time. After some episodes, your brain doesn’t register it as an entertainment. You go back and rewind the time when you had a real honest conversation with somebody. That anxious feeling comes back. 

You start feeling insecure. You start reminding your flaws as a reason why you are not a nice person to be with. You consider those flaws as a reason why nobody would find you interesting.

Cue in the songs which really connect with your feelings and showers with the memories that haunt you.

All you feel right now is to run away, just anything to get that feeling away. You don’t like it. You try to distract it away but no matter what you do, in the corner of your brain; you still feel the disconnect with the task you are doing.

If you are at work and if someone criticizes your work, you take it to your heart and add on the list why you feel undeserving.

You want to give it your best but somehow you fear that it’s not good enough and replay all the remark you were given to prove your thoughts.

You want to go somewhere out, so far that there will be just you and the nature but can’t seem to move out of your house. You always have task on your hand.

At night, you feel this longing, to be wanted to be heard, to have this one person who would be interested in knowing how your day was or just hug you till you feel normal. You want to desperately talk to someone and share this gut wrenching feeling but can’t.

You crave the touch of someone who would care, support but all you have right now is You and end up crying your heart out.

You are a strong person, you don’t want to burden your problems to anyone, so you put on your brave face and act like everything is fine while you are struggling with storms, thunder, hurricanes inside.

This feeling starts growing as days pass by and you accept it as a part of your life. 

But please listen dear, this isn’t you. Fight that feeling each day. No matter how strong it grows, fight it. Don’t let it have a say in it. Go for walks, jog. Play with kids or go to shelter house. Give. Talk. Even if you think you have no one, write it down and then conquer this feeling. Say no to it. You have yourself. This is your battle and you can do it.

If you need someone to just listen, comment or msg away. You are not alone in this.

Smile truly. 

Love,

Hema Sanghavi

For those who feel a little lost

How do you describe the feelings that makes and puts you into chaos? The situations remain the same yet the perceptions are different. The way each person deals with it is different.

So how do I deal with my chaos? How do I deal with my fears? How do I not be just another void human in this planet?

The future seems scary and the present even more so.. The thought that I might do  something which may have its effect that can last decades petrifies me. If I do nothing at all, I will be stuck where I am right now.

People have figured out their life and their purpose and here I am still trying to figure out the how’s!!

To which my alter ego replied,  “My dear, I don’t know why are you so worried. You are aware and that’s sounds pretty good to me. You know that your actions can have certain consequences and you would be careful when the time comes. You aren’t ignorant one. I remember what J. K. Rowling said, “It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all, in which case you have failed by default.”

Written by Hema Sanghavi.

Why Acceptance is so difficult?!

It’s a fascination to me, I wonder about it so many times

We talk, socialise, know different people. We look at them with Curiosity at first, then with interest. We admire someone and wish we could be like them.

Anything and everything. We try to replicate it in our own weird way. We forget that even if the journey is same, our paths is different.

Stop living in the Odeipus complex that Freud told us. Even the stripes on each zebra are different.

We lack and we excel. That’s who we are. I wonder why acceptance is so difficult?!
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-My rants😅
-Hema Sanghavi

Written by Hema Sanghavi.