Have you opened an app and written a long letter only to delete it? Managed to control your emotions to write it again only to erase it again.
At times, emotions get the best of us and at times we manage to repress it so badly that even you don’t realise about feeling it.
We have meltdowns of silly things and yet you manage to keep yourself at bay whenever the real meltdown is on its way.
We aren’t ready about many things and yet we are ready to feel the words we are aching to hear.
How ironic is to live a life where you are living and yet you are killing yourself slowly each day?
“What’s going on in your mind?”
“I don’t know. I wish I could express it clearly. Clearly, I am bad at it.”
“At least try.”
“I want that intensity. I want that kind of book which I end up reading; those ones which make us laugh and cry with them. Is it that bad that I want someone who would love me with that passion? One who would not give up on me? Who would wait for me, no matter how many years pass by?”
“That’s just a fairy tale. It doesn’t happen in real life. It’s better to be realists then wait for the inevitable heartbreak because of the one that got away. We are humans, we move on. We need somebody and that’s why it is important to not grieve for them. Smile for the happy memories and let the bad ones teach you a lesson.”
“But what if I want to be irrealistic? It would be wrong if I was only expecting from the other and not ready to give all that. I am. I am ready. I would rather have a love where I would give my all to him.
In fact, even you would! You would do anything for that person. You try to become a better person for them; not because they asked but because you want to be the best version of yourself for them. And the thought of losing them makes your heart crawl out and you can’t even imagine the pain of losing them. You would do almost anything to be with them; cross all the borders for them just for those few hours. ”
“Yeah, but in this world, how can you be sure whether the person is the one?”
“Your soul will answer that. Listen to it very carefully.”
– Hema Sanghavi
Did you remove few minutes from your busy schedule to see the moon? In this busy busy world where we are always in rush to do something, to be somewhere, have you removed some time from your day to just be?
Did you look at the trees? Did you just stand in one place and let the winds calm you down?
Did you give time to nature? Because if you have, you will understand how peaceful it is!
Just looking at the moon playing with the clouds and stars shining will give a rush of calmness that you were needing from weeks.
Why does everyone keep on recommending to go to a countryside for vacations? Why do you need a break every now and then?
The answer is so simple. All you need is self care. While you buy expensive things for your skin care, why don’t you take care of your soul?
Go ahead, get up, go down. Even if it’s just for a walk. The world will seem a little better.
Actions have always been louder than words. Words can all be deceiving and charming, it makes you hope, imagine of a future that might never happen.
Have you ever seen a successful entrepreneur talking? What do they say? Hardwork, determination and will. All of them are action verbs.
Have you seen true love? Has any relationship worked without efforts? It’s not so seamless and joyful; no matter what social media network portray.
Whether it is your personal life or your business, if you want something, you need to work towards it. Shower them with care and nurture that dream. Put effort and till the end of your breath.
Your actions will decide your future, so what do you want it to look like?
Have you been in that position that you wanted to say so many things and yet you couldn’t? You wish you could express them and yet your lips just manage to be shut. It doesn’t open.
It isn’t any fear or any sadness that I am not able to express. I wish it was though. The explanation would have been quite simple. How do I tell you that I love you? How do I tell you that I feel for you? How do I express that while I want you, I want this to work so badly?
Every time I look into your eyes, I see nothing but an overwhelming love for me. But it also pushes me back a little. The way I feel for you; it is not a simple one that we see in our realities. I am falling for you the way people describe in the books.
Yes, it is scary and I know it will break me. I know it. You might be wondering how I can be so pessimistic, perhaps I am, but we both are of different worlds. More than the culture shock, it’s the acceptance that will break us apart.
It’s like I am progressing towards the day when my heart is going to be shattered. You would probably tell me that it won’t happen and you won’t leave so easily. But loving you is the only thing I know.
I never thought that I will be able to say this but with each day I fall for you. I know you aren’t perfect. There are so many things about you that irritate me and leave me speechless but even at those times, I know, I love you.
Imagine me being cheesy. I never thought I would be. Perhaps you brought that out from me. If I know this is that if there would be any pain, I would rather be at the hands of you. You are worth it.
The experiment broke my shattered imagination,
The unease brought by it, unappealing and soul changing.
The intensity of the disaster so humongous that it would change the image,
The inner turmoil so nauseating that pleasure soon pierced and turned the virtuous to devil.
The pain so excruciating that seven circles of fire seemed nothing in comparison.
Walked into the path not meant to be and the distate was so unattractive that one had no option but to choose wisely.
The shattered, burnt and broken just learnt a lesson.
Nightmares have become consistent,
Fights are my routine,
Disappointment is my emotion,
Exhausted, my body claims,
And yet I have gone beyond the breaking point.
Each day, I become quieter,
My confidence is all time low,
Failure is what my situation shows,
And yet, I have a hope of better tomorrow.
The cries have become muffled,
My eyes speak another story,
Restrained is my spirit,
Break free, my soul claims,
And yet, I am going on through the motions.
The highs are now my lows,
Don’t give a fuck is what I say,
Pain is now my best friend,
Hypocrite is what I see,
And yet, I am fighting for myself.
And yet, I am fighting for myself.
If last few days are any indication, they would just shout one word, one emotion, that is how grateful I am.
I feel more than happy to be at this moment. Call it God’s grace or just luck, I am blessed with everything I could ever want. Family who support and love, friends who are as good as family, colleagues who are the most helpful and my boss who is understanding.
How can I not love the position I am right now? The hunger to learn more, the opportunity to prove so, home to live in and family who are the best.
Today somehow feels like things are going to change for better. Things will work soon. Hopefully, to the better tomorrow.
“So what happened?”
“Nothing. We just held hands. ”
“Really? Nothing more? Tell me everything!”
“How do I describe holding hands? It was the most intimate thing. No, I am not being coy. At first, it’s more shy. Just the softest touch on the fingers and then slowly glide towards the palm, holding them. Firm. Rugged palms exploring the soft lines of the other. You just don’t hold hands. You give them a part of you. Sign of trust and support. Like a kid trusting his mother to hold him if he fails to walk.
Those rugged hands tell a story of hardships and strength. Those small circling touches on the palm smooth your anxiety. Those holding hands promise security. Those enclosed hands proudly declare two souls conjoined. But above all, those warm hands somehow manage to melt the walls that you built over years. ”
Just another small snippet
– Hema Sanghavi
Don’t jump on seeing another soul. I know it resembles a lot like you but hold your stomping beats and let the brain focus for once.
I know it’s been years since you yearned and jumped in joy or blushed at the thought of the other but harness your desire.
I don’t want you to proclaim any affection for once. Brain very well knows the pain you grow through when you are injured.
The nights are tough and the logic seems to sleep but I want you to remember one line that brain keeps on repeating. ‘Action speaks louder than words’
The annihilation won’t be long if you succumb so easily. Be a wolf. Don’t give in easily. Let the other show you first. Reign your swooning because it won’t be long before you declare the other as your procession.
Oh heart, it’s simply foolish to let yourself wander in this world. Patience, dear.
– Hema Sanghavi